Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Inevitable?


Hey guys sorry for being inactive for awhile.

 I don't usually like to post my personal problems on my blog but it makes me feel so much better being able to express my thoughts somewhere. So just ignore this post if my personal life doesn't interest you,

Well, I'm currently going through a breakup; I've been with my boyfriend for ~2 years which might not seem like a long time but we've been through so much and lately with all the stress of uni,work,life etc. we've been having some fights. Now my ex bf (so weird calling him that) is the kind that runs away every single time we have a fight and just ignores me and prepares for me to break up with him. Which always irked me a bit because I want to be with someone who wants to fight for me and our relationship. None the less we always worked things out.

However a week or so he wanted to meet up and "talk" which just resulted in me talking to myself for an hour while he sat in silence and then randomly he said he was breaking up with me. I asked him for a reason but he just bluntly replied that he wasn't going to repeat himself. I was so upset and after unsuccessfully trying to get an explanation out of him I just got angry and stormed off. I cried my heart out to my friend and he told me to go back and get a reason because that's the least he owed me after 2 years, so I went back and tried getting a reason out of him but he just remained silent, then eventually he said " we don't work" and ran off. 

Yes, he ran off! At first I was so angry and confused that he did that to me and later that night one of his friends told me that my ex thought he did the right thing. That made me so angry! The fact that he believed his actions were acceptable so I went through the phase of 'He's an ass! I hate him! I deserve better etc.' but I still found myself crying to myself every now and then. Then I realised that it was so unlike him to act like that, I've known him for practically my entire highschool life and I should give him the benefit of the doubt because there must've been a reason why he treated me like that, so along came the ' I'm a Psychotic & Desperate bitch phase' but he just ignored all my attempts to contact him.

Basically I was emotionally unstable for awhile, then one night I was talking to my friend desperately asking him to help me think of ways to get him back because I felt so pathetic for moping over someone who treated me like that and being so helpless in the situation made me feel so sad and I hated that.
Then my friend told me it was okay to be sad that I should be worried if I wasn't crying so hard. 

I know it might sound stupid that I didn't realise this earlier but after talking to my friend things became so much clearer. It was okay for me to be sad, because that just reflected how happy the relationship made me because without the sadness I would never be able to appreciate the happiness that the relationship bought me and he wasn't an ass, he was a good guy who always treated me with respect and love but he just did a shitty thing eh? I mean don't we all and it's okay. I wont hold a grudge against him rather I'm grateful and blessed that I was able to share those memories with him because he taught me so much about love, life and most importantly me and for that I thank him.

So I no longer want to dwell on all the 'would've, could've and shouldve' but rather I want to focus on what the future holds for me. There is no point in holding onto something that may not exist anymore but even though we couldn't work out as a couple; we were once friends and that made us both happy too and as I always say "time and faith" so in time I believe we will be able to make each other smile again.
 I'm slowly but surely moving on in my own way and I don't think I could've done it without my family and friends. ♥♥♥

Once again sorry for the inadequate posts, I promise to start posting properly again. (:

26 comments:

  1. You are doing well, it's so hard and no words will make it any better.
    Just know that you are beautiful and wonderful beyond measure. Keep smiling and look into the sunlight in the future. :)
    I hope you feel better soon!
    Issy xox

    www.issyonlydreams.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. Glad you are feeling better! :) Stay strong and be positive <3 Wish you all the best ~

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh Vonny! I'm sorry to hear about this, but you are definitely a strong girl <3 ! Your reaction to the breakup is completely normal and I wouldn't have acted any differently (probably much more psychotic and hysterical) ! But I am completely at awe at how you are able to slowly move on with your life! I have a friend atm who is going something similar to you (except she's only been with for like ..3 months) and she's completely hysterical and I don't think she understands how to move on. So I'm completely at awe and respect you! :)

    I wish you a bright future! Because there's definitely doors opening now that this one seems to be closing! xox

    ReplyDelete
  4. aww good to hear that u are moving on now!!! :) time will heal, you are probably still sad now but later in the future I'm pretty sure that u'll realize that what was happen is a good thing for your own sake. Stay strong and cheer up!!:D :D :D :D

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm glad that you ended the post the way you did, I'm really happy that you're able to look at things like that. It did anger me reading the post though so I understand your anger as well, and you friend IS right. It's okay to be sad! None-the-less I'm happy you are where you and wish you the best! c:

    ReplyDelete
  6. Vonny dear :( You are right. You have every right to be sad but you should not dwell in sadness because you have a wonderful future ahead of you!

    On a personal note, I also had a boyfriend do that to me - sort of suddenly break up with me without any explanation. I did get an explanation eventually. He said we should break up because he though IIIII wasn't right for him (as in, the break up was all my fault). Well, in the end, he wasn't so right for me either.

    & RE: I hope this part cheers you up!!
    LOL thank you for liking my lips, Vonny! Only you (jk, I'd say something like that too) :) And you do not have grandma lips. I'm glad I finally have a feature someone else said was nice bahah.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ooh Vonny :( I wish you all the best for the future. I really admire how quickly you've managed to pull yourself onto your feet. It just shows that a strong, pretty girl like you is bound to have many more wonderful romances to come. <3

    ReplyDelete
  8. Aww I hope your alright dear, definitely letting all your emotions out can make you feel better. I'm glad you're handling it so maturely and wish you the best in getting over the whole ordeal. As cliche as it sounds, definitely what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Take your time recovering :( I hope you're alright. Stay strong!
    A bit cliche but it might be a good thing.. if hes not willing to fight for the relationship, you sure as hell deserve someone who will.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Just came across your blog, I have the same thing over and over again like this situation about your relationship. I think you are very wise, and I'm proud of you :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. It was unfair of him to suddenly do that and not give you an explanation :( But It's very mature of you to look back on the positive memories you've had after the struggles you've been going through. continue to be strong and stay positive! Take your time to be sad and do whatever you need to do <3 You'll get through this, and one day, everything will work out :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Poor you! I also just went through a breakup a few months ago...was with him for 7 years!! But I knew why we broke up, so there was closure in that sense. For you to not even know why he broke up with you for, that's hard...

    www.closetvoyage.com

    ReplyDelete
  13. Break ups are always hard. And what your friend said was absolutely true, that it's okay to cry. However, stand up again after you've cried. I know it seems like a long way ahead, but trust me, one day you'll look back and be able to smile. I'm glad this post ended on a positive note. I'm sure you're still recovering and coping, but stay strong. You'll find love again :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Thank you for your kind words izzy (: ♥

    ReplyDelete
  15. Aw I hope your friend feels better ): I guess we all have our own ways for moving on, some faster than others but in time things do lighten up. Thank you so much ♥ and I definitely believe in more doors opening up.

    ReplyDelete
  16. ♥ Mm, I do see things much clearly now than when I was in the moment. I have a much more positive outlook on the matter, thankyou!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thankyou~ ♥ Mm, I guess it did anger me but it's life and I've learnt to move on because even though it's okay to be sad, I don't want to be sad for too long ^-^" . . too much effort

    ReplyDelete
  18. Aw thanks for these caring words (: you're too sweet!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Mhm! "scars aren't a symbol of weakness rather it symbolises you beat whatever tried to kill you" haha (: thankyou! ♥

    ReplyDelete
  20. Thanks ♥ Yea, I see now that I should never settle for less than I deserve no matter what.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thank you joey ♥ It's been awhile since this post and I definitely feel much stronger about this break up. It's in the past now and I look forward to what the future holds.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Aww I' sorry to hear that I do hope you feel better in time (: Yea.. I don't think I'll ever resolve this problem with him but closure for me is just expressing my feelings and moving on.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Thank you for your lovely words rachel. Mm.. yea I suppose so but there's nothing I can do.. it's past and I'm taking this as a life experience (:

    ReplyDelete
  24. Aw thankyou! I hope you dont feel so down about your relatioinships! time and faith ♥

    ReplyDelete
  25. Aw Jane i'm sorry to hear that ): I think it's so unfair to dump all the blame someone about the failures of a relationship. I'm sure you'll find a better guy in the future (:
    and LOL! I do ): my lips are too wrinkly!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oh gosh I am so sorry to hear about this :( I think you are so brave for being able to see the positive side of it though. You seem like a wonderful, strong girl and I have no doubt that one day you'll meet someone who will always be by your side and make you understand why this particular relationship didn't work out.
    ♥♥

    ReplyDelete